My jokes
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.