My jokes
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."
I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.