My jokes

My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.

My Premier is so fat she has her own gravitational pull.

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."

My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.

Me when I find my sister's diary: oooooo!

I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.

Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!

Richard: What????

Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."

Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.

Rick: Oh I will.

*It was the day March 21st*

*9 Days later*

*March 31st*

Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man

*one day later*

*He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*

Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up

BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS

*Richard*

*oh he's the dumbass*

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

"CoComelon meme,

No matter how fast I run, I can't escape my problems - OULEH...

Nobody loves me .v."

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."