My jokes

If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.

Like and comment if you get it!

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.

I wanna die cos I lost my horse on Minecraft.

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

Roses are red,

My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.

Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.

What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.