When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
My Jokes
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
