My jokes
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Somebody asked me, "What's that on your arm?" I just said, "My cats got OCD."
My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.