Mouth

Mouth jokes

Car

    • A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

    The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

    The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

    The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

    The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

    The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

    The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

    The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

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    • Baby

    • Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.

    The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.

    Mouth memes

    Nut

    • This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

    Nut

    • Me: Can I borrow your CD?

    Friend: What CD?

    Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.

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    • Mother

    • My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

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    • Nut

    • "Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"

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    • Cheetah

    • Why are cheetahs the best animals?

    The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.

    A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.

    Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.

    Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.

    One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.

    Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.

    While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.

    A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.

    Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.

    With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.

    Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

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    • Blowjob

    • My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

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    • Attention

    • Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"

    Little Johnny said, "No, what?"

    She answered, "The principal's office."

    Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"

    The teacher answered, "No, what?"

    "You have a d!ck in your mouth!"

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