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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”

The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”

What’s red and sits in the corner? A baby chewing on a razor blade.

What’s green and sits in the corner? Same baby, one week later.

I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass… but I’m all out of ass

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

a friend of mine chews gum lays back to yawn then chokes on the gom then i said god what u choking on dick?

How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count? Chew when you swallow!