Mortality jokes
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
Why did Lucas die?
'Cause he was old, Lucas.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What do your teacher and your friend have in common? They will both die eventually.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!