Mortality jokes
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell?
Because there is a stairway to heaven.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"
"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."
Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.