Mortality jokes
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
🅱️haq
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.