Mortality jokes
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Wanna see a mistake go on camera and take a pic of you?
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!