Mortality jokes
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Memes
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-