As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
