Mortality

Mortality jokes

Guy

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Purpose

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

Memes

Hospital

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Cremation

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

World

How is the world like dirt?

Because we don't think twice about it.

Heart Monitor

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Dream Job

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

Part

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

Fire

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.

Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Death

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Coffin

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Doctor

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

  • 0