Mortality

Mortality Jokes

Tour Guide

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Guy

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Purpose

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

World

How is the world like dirt?

Because we don't think twice about it.

Dream Job

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

Part

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

Fire

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.

Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Death

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Coffin

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Hospital

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Doctor

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

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  • Child

    How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

    More than ten, apparently.

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