Mortality jokes
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.