Mortality jokes
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
You are so ugly my man died.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
Steven Hawking's death, you should've gotten a case.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.