Mortality

Mortality jokes

Rape

Why is rape worse than death?

Because dead people get way more attention.

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  • Baby

    What starts with M and ends with carriage?

    This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

    Michael Jackson

    Michael Jackson

    Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

    Because he's dead.

    Suicide Squad

    Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

    “What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

    Death

    Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

    We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

    Memes

    Mum

    Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

    Baby

    What's worse than a dead baby?

    A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.

    Friend

    I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

    Timer

    You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

    Job

    What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

    Your job still sucks.

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  • Truck

    Why did Joey drop his ice cream?

    He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)

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  • Line

    There is a thin line between death and life!

    You won't live to see it.....

    The Cardiogram will!!

    Grandma

    What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

    What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

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  • Tour Guide

    As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.