A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Mortality Jokes
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell?
Because there is a stairway to heaven.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
