Mortality jokes
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.