Mortality jokes
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
-->[]life death[]<--
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.