What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never come for me.
