Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Chick

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

Baby

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

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  • Orphan

    What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

    Pikachu, I choose you!

    Motivation

    I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.

    Cure

    I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.

    Heart Monitor

    Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

    Funeral

    What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?

    No funeral costs.

    Drug

    What if little Johnny was doing drugs?

    "Johnny, Johnny?"

    "Yes, Papa?"

    "Eating sugar?"

    "No, Papa..."

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  • Kid

    I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

    Dick

    Why do they call my dick section 8?

    Because all the hoes are on it.

    Job

    My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

    Incest

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.