Morbid jokes
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool? Posiedown.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.