Morbid jokes
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
I’m probably the episode 9 since I make people cry.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
What's funny about dead baby jokes? - They never get old.