Morbid jokes
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.