Morbid jokes
A blind guy walks into a bar.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Women.
Want to hear a joke?
Fortnite.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What if little Johnny was doing drugs?
"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa..."
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.