What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche
Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy.
Don’t let an extra chromosome get you down
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin
Why do emo people want to be called scene now, the only thing I’ve scene from them is there suicide rate climbing
What do you call sex in the world trade center?
An inside job.
me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying i like ya cut g
Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered
Rose's are red lemons are sour spread your legs give me an hour
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day. " I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day."
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk but I could never find him
Why did Steven hawking die? He lost wifi connection and don't get the data plan.
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes. So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady. Like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance
it says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man.....because he loves to leave asains hanging
what is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...a girl scout that got hit by a car
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
