Morbid jokes
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Women.
Want to hear a joke?
Fortnite.
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What if little Johnny was doing drugs?
"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa..."
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.