Morbid jokes
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
What's black and white and red all over? A police brutality case.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
I’m not racist. I just have black guns.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
A baby seal walked into a club.
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.