Morbid jokes
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?
Kids: Me!
Man: *unzips fly*
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.