Morbid Jokes

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

What do you call an Asian man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist fuck!

My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.