Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

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I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.

Trump said schools are not petting zoos.

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.