Morbid jokes
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Top 1 best football player 🏈 in the world.
“The guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!”
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
I love telling jokes about orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.
And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.