Morbid jokes
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.