Morbid jokes
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
What's long, black, and sticky?
A stick.
What's green and smells like ham?
Kermit the frog's fingers.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane