Money jokes
What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?
- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
Why do emo people go to the store with no money?
Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
Yo, Bloon... what bitch where the fuck my child support camo Bloon? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”