Money jokes
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
Memes
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
Your money, you bully's everything you hate.
money + money = MONEY