Money jokes

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

Your money, you bully's everything you hate.

money + money = MONEY

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?

Only when they file jointly.

I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.