Mom jokes

Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.

Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

Me: Oh, okay.

Goes to school.

Teacher: How were humans made?

Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

Teacher: 😑

When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.

Your mom gay.

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

Knock, knock.

Your mom.

My mom was 19 when she was pregnant with me, My mom was 39 when she was pregnant by me!!!

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."

The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"

My mom said, "I took your advice."

Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.

Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?

Mom: No, that's impossible.

Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?

Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.

Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^

Bully: Agh, you're ugly!

Me: Said your mom when you were born.

Mom