Mom jokes

My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."

What did the mom say to the baby?

Q: What do you call a tsunami?

A: Your mom's water breaking.

Your mom.

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his mom said, "Ven bakac."

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!

When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!

Kid: I got homework.

Mom: Ok, so?

Kid: I got a F in my balls.

Knock, knock.

Your mom.

Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."

Orphan: Starts crying.

Why did the baby cow cross the road?

To find its mom who has the milk.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.