Mom jokes

Where's your mom at?

My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?

Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"

The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.

What am I doing?

Your mom.

My mom is a chemistry teacher.

Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.

Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

What did your mom get for Christmas?

A big black horse dildo.

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

Why is it so easy bullying orphans?

They can’t tell their mom.

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.