Mom jokes

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

What's fat and wanks over his mom?

Guy Sheppard.

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.

When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"

For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

Student: My name is Buttitches.

Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

Student: Buttitches.

Teacher: I’m calling the police.

Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

Student: Buttitches.

Police: *shoots gun.*

A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

Wanna hear a joke?

YOUR MOM!

OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.

Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?

Kid: “What happened to Dad?”

Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”

Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!

Ur Granny, tranny.

Ur Dad, lesbian.

Ur Mom, gay.