Mom jokes

You know, my mom told me to become an astronaut.

I told her I don't want to become the next firework.

My sister asked me, "Brother, how do babies come into the world?" Then my mom said, "Be quiet and fuck your brother, darling."

Is that the answer?

Pretend you're an orphan and I'm telling you a joke:

Your mom.

Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"

What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?

A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.

Yo momma is so fat that the ground shakes a lot as she walks.

Yo Momma so slutty she uses a SpaceX rocket as a dildo.

Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"

Mom: "Yes."

Son: "Where are my real parents?"

Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"

I forgot to tell Alicia I saw her mom a couple days ago.

In a porn video!

My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."

Mom: "No?"

"Like in heaven?" said the mother.

"No, juice," Sally said.

Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"

Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"

Your mom is so fat, when she went to the ugly contest, they said, "No professionals."

Yo mama is so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

What did the mom say to the twins?

"Go crash a plane!"