Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
What does Kylie Jenner feed her baby? Plastic MILK! LOL
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.
She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
Sans
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What does a sponge do?
It talks to Patrick.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
This is the biggest joke ever - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5j-BH_WdBXdzeoOdG2v2dA
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?
Orange juice.
Yo mama so fat,
She doesn't fit in a Titan's mouth.
(Attack on Titan; Shingeki no Kyojin)
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
