ME jokes
Teacher: Go through the ABCs in pre-school.
Me: Hey, teacher, omae wa mou shindeiru!
Teacher: NANI!?!?
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"
I replied, "As soon as possible!"
I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.
Because that's what I want.
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Memes
Me during quarantine
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.
My life.
Kill me, please.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.
"Fuck me, Jarry."
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
He had a song named after him: "They see me rolling."