ME jokes
"CoComelon meme,
No matter how fast I run, I can't escape my problems - OULEH...
Nobody loves me .v."
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.
Wait, there aren't any road bumps.
O h s h i t.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
What did the Emo kid say to the other Emo kid?
Wait! Don’t leave me hangin’!
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.