ME jokes
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
What do you call me?
Chinese?
What did the teacher say to the student?
Orange you glad to see me?
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
9/11 was pretty great to me, it's just hilarious to watch people lose at Jenga.
9/11 is like me after I'm finished with my Lego house. I destroy it! 😄🤣
Roses are red,
foxes are red,
I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
Technoblade!
Please tell me you understand this...
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."
My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3
Welcome to Blind Date. With me, Stevie Wonder!
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
"Just because I don't like Lewis Hamilton, doesn't make me racist."
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...
*disconnected*
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.