ME jokes

"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"

Akeld, just want you to know: Leave me and Gwen alone.

Real me.

Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!

"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."

So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

I wanna see this pic of me in a bra! Where do I find it?

"Gwen don't want break up! Please talk to me!"

Why do orphans like the game Adopt Me? Because they've never been adopted in their life.

Who is funnier, me or Gwen?

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."

"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."

If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!