ME jokes

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"

"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"

"Giggety, giggety." Lois, give me your titties.

I gave an emo kid money.

He gave me the great depression.

You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA

Me: You have pretty eyes.

Her: Thank you.

Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴

Want to do a titcock dance with me?

Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.

Me: They're certainly not wrong.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

The emo kid tried to give me a handshake. Sadly, I left him hanging.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.

Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.

Orphan: Go on then.

Me: Your family tree.