ME jokes
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Memes
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Hey, what do you call a beta simp?
You call me the beta simp.
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.