ME jokes
I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."
Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Memes
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Hey, what do you call a beta simp?
You call me the beta simp.
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.
Orphan: Go on then.
Me: Your family tree.
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.