ME jokes

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

What did the ass say to the joke?

"You crack me up!"

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."

The kid: But it has no home button.

Me: Exactly. 💀

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

Everyone at the Queen's funeral:

Me and the boys getting her reboot card.

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"

Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"

Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"

*Insert me starting a war in the comments*

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.

Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.

Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.

Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?

A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.

That shit was trash. You can't handle me.

Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?