ME jokes
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔
Follow me.
I heard a noise, so I'm dead.
Sorry for this Pick Up Line.
Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.
Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Roses are red,
I am dead.
You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.