ME jokes

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

Me and my life.

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

Don't scare me! I poop easily!

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*

Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?