ME jokes

What do orphans play on Roblox?

Adopt Me.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Utah.

Utah who?

You're talking to me.

What is the difference between me and food?

Food has a use.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

If you don't have big Nyash,

Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂

Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.