ME jokes

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."

And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"

The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.

I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."

I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

Who is going to start the robot takeover? Me.

"I think my baby is so similar to me!"

"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"

My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.

Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.

I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)