ME jokes

Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

Emo: Phone die.

Emo: Why not me? ;(

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”

Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.

Me: I have no bullet holes.

Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.

Me: Ayo what the fuc*.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

Knock knock.

Who's there?

It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.

People are arguing about stopping orphan jokes.

Me: m e h. i d o n t c a r e.

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭

My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.