ME jokes
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
Memes
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
Follow me.
I heard a noise, so I'm dead.
Sorry for this Pick Up Line.
Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.
Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! š
A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"
The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
The man said, "Your parents."
My brother: What are you looking at?
Me: A mistake.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because Iām not getting a car seat.
"Butter, butter, and butter, please, please bring me butter."
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
Orphans got me like: š
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!