ME jokes
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.
Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
Let me tell you a joke about pizza!
Never mind...
It's too cheesy.
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?
Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.
Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(
Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."