ME jokes

Tazzaro got me like: 😂

Orphans got me like: 😂

"Balls" got me like: 😂

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

A: Who can tell me a joke?

B: Life.

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.