ME jokes
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)
That's it, it wasn't a joke.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).
Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!
Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.