ME jokes

What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

Bunger got me like:

😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...

Me: Okay, Papyrus. I'm no Sherlock Bones, but I'd say that Storyspin Sans is the Imposter.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

Me: Why can't orphans play baseball? Friend: Why? Me: Because they can't find home.

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

This pun is so bad you're gonna punch me.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

This orphan showed me a family photo.

But it was just a selfie.

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.

Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.