ME jokes
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"
Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."
Guys, do not follow Tom, he is super inappropriate. I did a 48-hour face reveal and this is what he said:
Tom 13 minutes ago Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ur so cute I wanna fuck your pussy so hard you look amazing I luv ur face come have sex with me mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Me running from the table where the Emos sit with a Happy Meal.
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
Who likes dick? Answer me!
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.