ME jokes

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

Me: You have pretty eyes.

Her: Thank you.

Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴

A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"

The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."

The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

I'm an orphan, please stop it. It's not nice and it made me cry.

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

Kid: Who is your mom?

Orphan: They left me😭

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.

This pun is so bad you're gonna punch me.

This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs. 🤣🤣 LOL