ME jokes
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Me running from the table where the Emos sit with a Happy Meal.
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
Who likes dick? Answer me!
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
Give me followers instantly!
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.