My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like bitch we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
Me: a lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant. Friend: like what? Me: my name, my address, my phone number...
My Wife: how much do you live me?? Me:count all the stars.My Wife: aww infinity. Me:No a waste of time.
what makes a nuke and divorce the same?
it only takes one of each to end your life.
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
My wife said she wanted to leave me she said it’s because of the abuse but really she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got positioning the next day this shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physical and mentally
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, "What's wrong sir?" The man reply's, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me." The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?" The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash." The wife pull out the money. "There is 40$-", says the wife. "Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to." The man walks away in belif he didn't get caught by his wife.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
does donald know his wife is mexican?
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
when the husbon said you is your ass so big she said because im holding my shit
an orphan is like marriage. the kid is always the reason for divorce. the kid always the reason for his parents leaving him
What's the difference between a tornado and Divorce down south Nothing some Losing a Trailer
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding... ...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically,"No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
so once upon a time there was a man who lived in his house with his wife
he got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him
not even 4 seconds later he came back inside panicking, saying "there's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
the wife replied "oh don't worry rabbits don't have guns they can't shoot people- you must be imagining things"
the man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again
so he stepped outside the front door and the rabbit shot him
Wife: “I want another baby” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one”
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of sick fuck does that?
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. they did this one time a night. The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said eww it tastes like cheese and onions. The husband replied hang on I haven't put the condom on yet.
