Man

Man jokes

Coffee

    • I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

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    • Worm

    • I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

    About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

    I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

    Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

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    • Kidnapping

    • A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

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    • Boat

    • A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

    After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

    And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

    God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

    Man memes

    Bomb

    • There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?

    Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...

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    • Woman

    • A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

    The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

    The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

    The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

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    • Difference

    • What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

    Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.

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    • Rice

    • An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”

    The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”

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    • Ice Cream

    • A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

    The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

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    • Money

    • I saw a poor man and I gave him money, and he said, "Nope, I don't need money." So I gave him money, and he punched me for no reason.

    Wife

    • A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

    God replies, "So she would love you..."

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    • Snail

    • A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

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