Man jokes
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
What’s an orphan's favorite Marvel film?
Spider-Man: Far From Home.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.