Man jokes

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What’s an orphan's favorite Marvel film?

Spider-Man: Far From Home.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

What do you call a cut cucumber?

A guy with no legs.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.