Man

Man jokes

Cancer

    • Doctor: I have bad news.

    Man: What?

    Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

    Man: Oh, no...

    Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

    Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

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    • Woman

    • Women say men are trash.

    Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

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    • Blonde

    • A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

    So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

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    • Twin Towers

    • What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?

    When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.

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    • Man memes

    Forest

    • A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

    The child said, "I'm scared!"

    The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

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    • Blowjob

    • Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?

    Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽

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    • Doctor

    • A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”

    The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”

    Bride

    • A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

    Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

    "Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

    "You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

    Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

    Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

    Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

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    • Twitter

    • A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"

    The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."

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    • Penguin

    • A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

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    • Soap

    • A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.

    Alien

    • An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

    The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

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