Man jokes
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.