Man jokes

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?

Black ops.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

What game do emo kids love the most?

Hangman.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"