Man jokes

What’s an orphan's favorite Marvel film?

Spider-Man: Far From Home.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.

If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

What do you call a cut cucumber?

A guy with no legs.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."