Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
"Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia." Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Man 1: Hey I heard you survived a school shooting, what was it like? Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere, I was only able to get a few of them.
what did the man say to the deaf kid he said
“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?
”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
The back of my hand
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What is the name of the political party in the United States that was founded in 1971 and has lost a presidential election since 1972, and is more political corrupted than the man boy love association of america because it is politically motivated? Libertarian Party 🤔 💭 💡 😲 🫢 😭 😠 😡 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this. But the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
A cop pulls a man over and finds out hes drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says ̈Can i see your flashlight? ̈ and the cop says ̈just give me your license and registration. ̈ so drunk guy says ̈not until you give me your flashlight. ̈ the cop said ̈for what? ̈ and the drunk guy says ̈so i can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like. ̈
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder. If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
Man: hey kids, who wants milk? Kids: Me! Man: *unzips fly*
3 blonde girls are on an isalnd and they are much to far away from land to swim, they find a genie on the island who offers them each 1 wish the first girl says "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island" so the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island. The next girl says "I wish I was even smarter then her so I don't have to do so much manual labor" so she turns into a brunet and makes a sail boat and lets the wind take her off the island. The finale girl says "I wish I was smarter then both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the streat?
To get them into his van.
