Man jokes
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?
Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Women say men are trash.
Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”