Man jokes

Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"

She’s so nice.

What do you call a gay man that is not a vegetarian?

A cocksucker.

lol hi

My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer:

The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."

A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."

What do Batman and a Black man have in common?

Answer: They can't go anywhere without Robin.

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

Which way do gay men walk?

One Direction.

The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.

Where was your mom last night? In the man club?

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."

The other man says, "How do you know?"

The other man says, "Because she is dead."

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."

What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?

Looks like I've only got myself to blame...

Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.