Make jokes
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
It's horrible to make jokes about 9/11, but it's not funny when I found out my mate's mum jumped from the 21st floor.
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.