Lot Jokes

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick Fil-A?

a lot of things

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms:It was her Imaginenation

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

i asked a man i was the fastest gun in the west. he said my 17 wasn't good enough. after that, a lot of lead went into his head.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Look for the gummy bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos and extras.

What games do monks play a lot?

AMONK us.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education. They were both druids.

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning there’s a lot of sucking and blowing but at the end you lose your house

How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of FLOW CREAMER

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing and then your house will be gone

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a kgb badge and says “you two are coming with me for treason.” One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says “Not me.” The third man pulls out a badge and says “Wow? There’s a lot of agents here.”

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.

'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.

And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'

To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'

To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'

I went to pen island for vacation this summer, there were a lot of bones

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t Remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said “your about to become history”. I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.