Like jokes

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

FREE MY ÑIGGA EDP HE INNOCENT ONCE UPON A TIME I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND HE FARTED SO GAHDAMN MUCH INTO MY MOUTH THAT I STARTED DROOLING A HERSHEY WATERFALL THIS ÑIGGA IS SO SEXY AND I LOVE WHEN HE SITS HIS FAT ASS ON TOP OF ME TYSON U JUST JEALOUS YOU AIN’T GOT NO ONE LIKE BRYANT U RETARDED LOOKING ASS BITCH I DARE YOU TO GET A PARTNER AS LOYAL AND INNOCENT AS EDP FREE MY ÑIGGA BIG HOMIE CHEESE HEAD 474747 HE INNOCENT.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

If you hate America, I don't like you :)

Like if you are a simp.

Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because they actually come back.

How did they lose 2 Towers?

Reason: They just fell, just like how it did in Jenga.

(I d*n't care if it's a bad joke, ok?)

Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?

A: Because it tasted like shit.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?

Son goat: No, what?

Dad goat: Goat meat.

Son goat: *Gasps*

Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.

Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.

What is wrong with having chocolate for dessert? It tastes like shit, and I hate it.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

Okay, who the heck is watersharky? He just tries to "help" people, and he just posts stupid songs because he acts like he is depressed.

I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.

Why do planets circle the sun?

'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,

"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"

She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.

And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"