Like jokes

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.

Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.

Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Because they looked like me?

Sans: ... Sure.

Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.

"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.

"Indeed, they are," he was told.

"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"