Like jokes
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
"Maga be like Antifa invaded Ukraine, but I thought Antifa was Russia, you dumb Maga chuds!"
Why do orphans air?
It’s invisible just like their parents.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
I go beep like a Jeep.
I can't help myself I put it down on paper All the different stages, memories of us That's the only way I know that I can shake it Writing all our pages, every single thought I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic No, you've never tried to understand Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
I can't wait for you to recognize the stories Like when you said i was beautiful Will you act as if you haven't even heard it? Nothing of it really matters 'Cause I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic Go back to the start to get an end Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
Just to get over what we lost, what we lost I put it in words to clear my thoughts And just to get over, over us I had to, I had to
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
sorry kenny?!
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?