Like jokes

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.

Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Because they looked like me?

Sans: ... Sure.

Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.